anticipating...

... in fact English language is really sometimes richer in meanings than French...

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... an-ti-ci-pa-ting !!!  was the only thing in my mind the day and the night just before our second (and last ) meeting... wondering if magic would work twice...
but most of all I remember accuretely the anticipation before our first "date"...
I just could not believe that it was going to happen, that after all these weeks of mailing, cross-mailing, chating and (sometimes) speaking with you on the phone, I was going to see you again... but somehow for the first time...

Things had gone faster in the last few weeks, your messages had become more... explicit (and mine too, but I think you started this.. although I was the one who started the all thing when I first dreamt about you... and told you about it !)... it had come to a point where I HAD TO SEE YOU... just to know how it would be for real...
My dreams too were more and more explicit... and the night just before our first meeting you kissed me (in my dreams) in such a... passionate way that I could not believe it was a dream...
... anticipating was so... delicious ! I was scared and impatient at the same time, really feeling like a college girl (childish, stupid, crazy, loosing control !)...
I had absolutely no idea how things were going to happen, but I have to admit that my anticipated "vision" of this very special week-end was mostly very romantic... and still today I find it hard to believe that everything, absolutely EVERYTHING was magic, more magic than everything I could have dreamed of... (well, I have to write a separate text on that special day !)

... I remember especially the last few miles, when I drove by the place that you had booked for the night... I just could not believe that I was going to come back there with you in the evening, to ... actually spend the night with... an almost unknown man ! how the hell could I be there ???
I remember feeling really... weird and scared and incredulous and almost quivering, while driving past Fontevraud... knowing it would only be a few minutes ride before reaching the golf of Loudun... (sweet anticipation... but at the same time feeling like before an exam ! )
I remember the entrance of the golf, when I could almost not breathe anymore... (delicious anticipation)
I remember parking my car, seing you and... woooooww... feeling my heart pounding like crazy... knowing I had to get out of the car.. which I did prentending I was really relaxed and not stressed at all... (last tiny seconds of ... longing anticipation)
I remember my eyes cathing yours, I remember walking to you (these few steps seemed so... difficult !) and as you were on the phone, I remember not knowing what to do...

and then...  I don't know what happened, I CANNOT remember what happened...
I somehow remember your lips on my right cheeks your hand on my shoulder, and suddenly I was in your arms, (really one of the most powerful moments in my all life, I swear), so close to you, overwhelmed by these PURE sensations of your body next to mine, the smell of your perfume, the very sweet hold of your arm around me... and I closed my eyes and wish it could last forever... (and thanks to your dad it lasted long enough for me to "get drunk" with the power of this incredible magic moment)

after this terrible anticipation, things were just so... natural .. incredible ..
... incredibly natural... naturally incredible !

 "What we can do and want to do is projected in our imagination, quite outside ourselves, and into the future. We are attracted to what is already ours in secret. Thus passionate anticipation transforms what is indeed possible into dreamt-for reality. " (GOETHE)